It's Me... DefiniteLy...

definitely :)

      Hellow? Do you know someone named Marizthel Alcantara or also known as Mariz? If you do, Can you say that you real know the real her? Can you consider that you know everything about me? The way I think, talk, walk or even feel? Hmmm... It’s hard to say YES right? It is because even though you consider yourself as a friend of a person, you can hardly tell if you really know everything about her or him? Isn’t it? That’s the essence of this Blog… Actually I already made my first blog entitled BhezFriEnDs but I decided to make another blog because I want to introduce the real me first.

                Im a typical “probinsyanan” girl, sometimes naughty, sometimes moody and most of the times a good PRETENDER?? But not the bad meaning of a pretender that you know, I know for myself that I’m not Plastic… I consider myself a pretender because most of the times I want to pretend I’m okay, to pretend I’m better, to pretend I’m strong and mostly to pretend that I’m happy. Know why? It is because I don’t want others to be affected the way I act or decide. And I really don’t want to say so many explanations to people whom I know will never ever understand me. The truth is, I really like to be alone, most of the time, writing poems, songs, letters and essays and sometimes draw things and plans that I want to fulfill. I really don’t want too much noises and disturbances whenever I want my own time. It just makes me feel the feeling of my world falling down! Seems like world war!! That’s why people around me thought that I’m an EMO!!.... A short term for an EMOtional person.. Actually, it’s true but I’m just a simple Emo, an emo girl who just want to fell that I belong, that I have friends in my side and to know that there still some people who love me the way Iam. An emo who just want to be alone whenever she has problems to face… That’s me. I’m actually weak, weak in the sense that I’m afraid to be left behind, to be out of the crowd, to lack attention and to lose everyone. I’m so weak whenever it comes to my friends and especially when my heart is involved. I always shed tears even for small issues and problems. I always waste my tears to people who leave and hurt me. I’m sensitive in short but I don’t want others to find out that I’m sensitive and weak. For the simple reason of I’m afraid that they might use it to hurt and criticize me. I’m really afraid of everything, I don’t know how I can overcome that kind of attitude I have. I just pretend to be happy so that people will never know that I’m weak. I always play jokes and do naughty things acting like a child…Bad right? But that’s me in my outside part, I’m so childish. I always act as the innocent one among my friends, because as I understand acting that way will make them thought that I don’t know serious things in life. I don’t want to be a grown up, I don’t want to be a matured girl planning for her own life. I just want to be me, to be happy, to gain experiences, to be on different kinds of adventures, simply but happy. To be a girl who just want to make everyone happy in my own simple ways, to help everyone as long as I can, to make everyone remember me by this simple things. That’s me.

                There are so many people whom I really want to see happy and proud because of me. First in line of course is my family. Actually I’m not really a family-oriented person; I’m just a spoiled brat Daddy’s girl in our family. But when my Dad went to abroad, it seems that everything change for me. I don’t want to stay in our house since then and always get some misunderstanding with my mom and sister. I really don’t know why? Maybe its because I didn’t grow up with my mom and during our childhood my sister and I were apart. But even though my mom doesn’t seem to be that close with me, I sure do love her. She’s still my mom, the one who gave me this wonderful life. The same with my sister, we do really get along but most of the time, she’s my wicked sister ... she always get angry with me whenever I act not right for my age, whenever I made decisions that she didn’t understand and do not want to understand. But my sister is still the best for me, I still respect and love her, she’s my sister, my older sister.  Even though our family is not perfect, I’m still happy and proud of having them. The problem is in me I guess... I do not know how to show them that I care.

                Next in line is my Best friend, the one whom I dedicate my first blog (http://bhezcoh15forever.blogspot.com/). I really do treasure my best friend, she’s so important to me. Even though she’s younger and in the lower level, I still treat her as my one and only best friend.  Actually, she’s Ate Claire’s younger sister, Camille, a third year transferee student in our school. I choose her as my best friend because she’s kind, sweet, cute, and a little bit childish like me. But still, Im still more childish than her. Whenever were together, it looks like I’m the younger coz’ I always tease and hug her. That’s the way I treat my best friend. That’s the other thing that most of the people don’t understand about me, I treasure my best friend so deeply. But I don’t care; I just want my best friend feel special. I just want to make her happy for a simple reason. And that reason is because I’m her best friend.

                And the last kinds of people I want to see happy because of me are my friends. The one who choose to stay with me despite of my negative attitudes and other failures I have made. The people who accept the real me and the one I consider my second family. They mean so much to me because they complete me.

                That’s the three most kinds of people I want to be happy but I never forget the Dear God, who keep me safe as well as the people I treasure.  And also my teachers and other companions, who been a part of my life. In short I want to see everyone happy because seeing them happy makes me feel happy too.
             Hmmm… reading this article make you think I’m really a child huh? Which is definitely incredibly true, and forever will be. I still believe that someday I still going to matured but I will never change my childish personality. It’s already my trademark and still I want to stay the way I am today. Innocent, adventuruous, happy and playful, that’s the way I still want to be. I don’t want others to think badly about me but what can I do? This is me. This is already the real me. The real Mhariz and will always be me.